:'(

" He was scared you wanted more. "

Is that it? Is that when you've been treat me like that? Well then, fuck you. Of course I wanted more I fucking loved you. But have some common fucking sense. How can I get what I want from you. I don't fucking want your body or your fucking family jewels, crudely put, your fucking penis. It wasn't even fucking lust, it never was! I fucking loved you. I wanted to fucking marry you. I wanted your heart. What the fuck were you afraid of? That I'd fucking pounce on you and fucking rape you? Have some fucking brains and go figure how fucking impossible that is. Your heart, you've guarded it so well I tried and tried, time and again to get past those fucking defenses to get it but fuck no. I was so fucking close to getting it. And then we had to separate. It wasn't fucking easy for me you fucking cunt. Not as if I could just reach into your chest while you weren't looking and sneak your heart away. Fuck no that's not possible. I don't know what you fucking felt back then, but what I'm fucking sure that you had some feelings for me as well. I'm fucking sure it wasn't all one sided. I fucking loved you okay, and it's because of that I won't force you to do anything you don't fucking want to. In this case, love me.

No matter how garang I am, I'm still a girl and I have feelings.. And memories. I'm still afraid of the dark, I still read the texts you sent me about how I agreed for you to take a bite on my neck.. The texts in which you called me dear, the texts where we discussed about sushi, Nat, Tristan.. Forgetting the whole world and running away to Vegas. We were so in love.. I was so in love. I read those texts and I cry because we were so much, but so little now. I cry because of what would have been I cry because I don't know what went wrong.. But it must have been me. I still don't think it's okay to eat, and I can't help but think that no one would care even if I didn't eat anymore. I listen to vertigo, you are loved, she will be loved and no one. Thinking about you. You stole my happy, you made me cry. You took the lonely and took me for a ride. You had my heart now and I want it back. I'm angry, I'm sad and I'm disappointed, I don't fucking know why.

I never felt this much in the past few months. I don't know why but maybe tonight, reality's finally sunk in. I'm trying to erase you from my past but you're still there. I still want you. I want my Kenneth back I want my brown stick. I want the guy who'd lull me to sleep when I was afraid. I don't want this cocky DSA band Kenneth! Since that night I haven't been able to sleep properly, I haven't been able to cry or laugh genuinely and most importantly I haven't been able to wipe you off my mind, I haven't been able to remove the negativity, I haven't been able to work properly, I haven't been able to eat properly. But you don't care, do you?

The old saying, "You happy, I happy." I used to think that way. But no. You're happy now but I'm fucking miserable and don't fucking tell me that's because I don't love you enough I'm not mother fucking Theresa.

I just miss you. Alot.



Done you haters a favor, 29 fucks in this passage. Take me to fucking court la! Sorry, make that 30. Fuck you. 31.

Happiness. It's within contentment.

incessant rants..

I guess I've finally given up. Didn't go down without a fight though.. I fought long and hard. Convinced myself day after day everything was gonna be alright. But I was wrong, dead wrong. I told the world I didn't care, told the world I've had enough. And maybe I'm right. I don't know. But maybe, just maybe I care. And maybe, just maybe I wanted more. Deep down inside, all these mattered. Maybe. But what's the point. So what if it mattered to me. It isn't going to matter to you. It never did.

I'm not violently upset, or insanely angry. My heart doesn't hurt. My tears aren't following. I don't know why. Maybe it died, and maybe I'm trying not to cry. Should have known better than to think he'd be different.

I should

Priorities.

1. Get up
2. Get out
3. Get job
4. Get wasted
5. Get new stuff (eg. cosmetics, nails, clothes, shoes, accessories, bags & wallets)
   
6. Get new guy
7. Forget old guy.

Will be happy when above 7 are granted. Yep, it takes alot to maintain me.

Lists.

10 things that remind me of Christmas.

1. Peppermint + Candy canes
   
2. Christmas carols
3. Wrapping paper + ribbons
4. Hot cocoa + Buttered stuff
   
5. Cookies + gingerbread man
6. Gravy :B
7. Ham + turkey
8. Family
9. Cold weather
10. Joy.

Can't wait for Christmas!

Kenneth Sim Jun Jie, you are a fucking jerk. Go fuck yourself.

I am going to castrate you.


XOXO,
Simone.

Graduation! :')

Sup party people!

Aight, next off my " I will blog about these " list is my graduation post! Yes, it's official now, I AM A HIGH-SCHOOL GRADUATE & I am cool like that. (Because "I am a secondary graduate" doesn't sound as cool.)

So anyway, graduation was on the 15th of October.. And I was nearly late for it. -_- Yes, nearly late for my own graduation. Sheesh.. I need to be less blur.

Graduation related tweets;

1. Oh nozzz. Grad is tomorrow!!!!!!! :OOOOOOOO
2. I'm late for my own grad. Fml.
3. Graduating as we speak.
   
4. Grad. Lil miss torres fanatic. :')
5. "Staff sergeant simone wong is well known for her infectious laughter. " - HOW IS THAT A VIRTUE?!
6. Grad was good. I'm more aware and appreciative of the love + company I have now. Will miss everyone.
7. Oh and here's a shout out to eunice, jialing, Rj, reb, lhy, joel, kayh, kenneth, mao.. And everyone who's made my sec sch life so memorable.

Yesyes, shame on me. Tweeting throughout my own graduation ceremony. Sigh, I am such a technology whore. So yes, I got up slightly late and the first thing that flashed through my head was Mdm Amrit's face and her haunting words; "Latecomers will not be allowed to attend the ceremony.". Yea, talk about soul gripping.. This woman and I have gone a long, long way. And yes, we both (probably) like each other better now. So I hopped up, washed up, got my stuff and flagged the first cab I saw outside my place.

The ride to school was terrifying. It felt like every second and every red light counted. LOL. But yea, I made it on time! ^^V Beany surprised me with my favorite pancake in the whole wide world for breakfast! (Because I was sad they were closed the day before!) Wolfed it down, changed into my class tee, fooled around with 4B, tied our orange ribbons and then it was down to the ISH to gather. Where we were ESCORTED (exaggeration) into the hall!

Jelly presented me a very touching note that moved me to tears. So even before I even started graduation, I was crying buckets already. In the hall they played our class' photomontage/videos (THAT WAS MADE BY US. !@#$) and yea, everyone cried. And then we went onstage to get our files.. And that was about it. Post ceremony, CAMWHORE and chiong free food!

And then back to class to reminisce the good old times. And chiong the pizza that was provided by my chemistry teacher turned Flen(Friend). :> And then there was MORE camwhoring. -_-

That was pretty much it! No amount of words can justify the emotions all of us went through.. It was just magical. :) Aight, no more of my ramblings! Here are some(lol understatement) photos of the day! (which took fucking forever to load. !#$%)


Graduation Cabbie. Thank you uncle for helping me make it on time!


Prep!


More prep!


Note from Jelly and a daisy in my favorite shade from RJ!


Graduation breakfast! Courtesy of Bean tan. ^^v


@ ISH.


Jelly sorting out notes.


Class tee! Courtesy of ME. Muahahaha.


Fooling ard.


Still fooling ard..


Onstage!


4Bee Graduation. Get it? Four Bees.. Hahaha.


Ribbonssssss!


Freefood!


Bean+pei= Biggest fans of me. :')


Pei+ Ferl+ me!


Bffl!


Emcee bud!


Maomao!


Pei!

Hongying!


Tablemate turned good friend, Wang Miao! :>


Idol~


My table of 4 years.. Personalised.. :')


My chair of 4years.. Personalised.. :')


The woman behind my B4.


The man behind my minuscule math improvements.


The man behind my Chem improvements(MY FLEN NOW OKAY. HALLO MY FLEN. I KNOW YOU WILL READ THIS. AND CHUCKLE AGAIN.)


Thank you for the pizzas!


Ft!


*Salivates*


Mao: *MUST. GET. PIZZAAAAAA*


For old time sakes! (We did one like this 2 years ago)


8Armed Buddha by the clique who has many names. (Again, Fots. Yes, 1 year ago we did this.)


*I. AM. NOT. SHORT*


8)


Nobodynobody but chew!


Alot like love.


1,2,3,4.


Fots again! did this 4 months ago!


:>

Y'know it's funny how I'm feeling so much for a place I used to hate. 4 years ago when I was posted here I wanted a transfer. I hated the place. I hated it's culture, I hated it's location, it's people and it name. But I decided I'd stick around and see how things turn out. And I'm glad I did because things turned out great. Friends like Bean, mao, HY, RJ and Jelly came into my life. And I found a 3rd home in Npcc. Through the years, through Npcc, 1D, 2D, 3B, 4B and my teachers I learned and I changed. And all the little events, obstacles and adventures molded me, into who I am today. I was blessed enough to receive many opportunities of a lifetime, to be in 4B & 2D, to be under the guidance of a team of dedicated teachers.. I can't express how grateful I really am..

4B'o9,
Thank you contributing to 2 magnificent years of my life. I'd always remember lying to English teachers, stealing toilet paper, dancing, staying in class for recess, rushing assignments and talking cock. You've given me more than I can ever ask for. This isn't goodbye. I promise. :)



Forever and always. :)

XOXO,
Simone.

Ps; Geez I choked up while writing that. I'm sorry if it wasn't expressive enough. What I felt inside.. It was just.. indescribable. In a good way. :>

Pps; DO MY BLOODY POLL LEH. I'm going to say this in every post till I get like the 206 responses I got the last time.

Pps; Lol I didn't get up early to blog, I just haven't slept. -_-

Seven things.

My version anyway.

1. You're hot then you're cold.
2. You make wait.
3. You're indecisive.
4. You make me feel like I'm in love.
5. You tell me things that make me feel.
6. You make me believe.
7. You make me love you.

More or less along the same line, why? Because guys do the same stupid things. Be it one of the jo bros or just that guy next door.